The Island (not the one from LOST)

Remember last Fall when our Hawaiian vacation plans were thwarted by an unfortunate incident involving a horse? Well we finally took our vacation last week and it was amazing. I love Kauai, here's why:

1-The biggest decision facing you each day is where to nap. The beach? The pool? The ridiculously comfortable hotel bed? The randomly placed hammocks wherever you go?

2- The entire island is just beautiful, even the gas stations there boast remarkable views.

3- Kauai brings out "vacation-Tim" faster and stronger than any other place we've been. Don't get me wrong, "non-vacation Tim" is really great but he is also a savings-conscious accountant that does NOT like to spend money on frivolous things. On vacation that all gets tossed out the window, what's the point of saving all your money if you can't blow it on vacations anyway? This trip he totally surprised me when we left the rental car counter with the keys to a brand new jeep rather than normal KIA two-door-hatchback that we usually rent. It was fun to take the top off and cruise around the island for a week but I think Tim enjoyed the wind blowing through his hair a little too much because at some points we were flying instead of driving. I guess speed limits get tossed out the window too when Tim's on vacation. 

4- They put macadamia nuts in everything. I had them in my waffles, pancakes, syrup, ice cream, pesto sauce, fish, salsa and mayonnaise. When I ordered a shaved-ice I had them add macadamia nut ice cream to the bottom and macadamia nut cream to the top. Then they sprinkled crushed macadamia nuts on top of the macadamia nut cream...it was a low calorie trip for me. 

5- In Kauai you're so relaxed that even crazy people don't bother you. Like the guy in our scuba-diving group that brought a duck-call on the dive with us and every time he saw something cool (which was about every ten seconds since almost everything you see scuba diving is cool) he would blow his duck-call as loud and long as he could so we would all know that he saw something cool. First of all, it sounded like someone was drowning a duck which can be off-putting. Second of all, fish don't like loud unfamiliar sounds and the duck-call didn't make them want to stay around for very long. Every time he blew that thing I laughed so hard at his ridiculousness that I probably inhaled a third of the Pacific.
Then there are all the women that insist on wearing bikinis everywhere, despite clearly being too old for them. I normally don't like to label anyone as "too old" for anything but really people, are one-piece & tankinis really that constricting? Every time I saw someone wearing a skimpy suit that shouldn't be I thought of this commercial and laughed, and it was often.

6- Since the island is relatively small, anything you want to do is only a short drive away. Even if we had a longer drive ahead of us, the scenery was so beautiful and Tim's driving was so fast that it went by quickly. These waterfalls were a five minute drive and a fifteen minute hike from our hotel, which is good because if things were too far away my laziness would win out and I would watch t.v. in the hotel all day...even in Hawaii.

Would you like to know the worst part about Kauai? Delta Airlines.

Okay, so maybe Delta isn't technically part of Kauai but you do have to associate with Delta to get to the island - at least we did. It normally takes about 8-9 hours to get home but it took us 34 hours. Between all the delayed and cancelled flights we spent over 15 hours sitting around various airports just waiting. I didn't realize how bored I actually was until I came home and started looking through our pictures. I took about fifty pictures of this one stupid lizard I found in a courtyard of the Honolulu airport.

Incidentally these were the only pictures Tess was interested in looking at when we picked her up. I've made up several elaborate stories regarding this lizard and his activities - his name is Simon and he's from Norway. His cousin is Pascal from the movie Tangled.

 Even after spending 6 straight days together I still managed to gab Tim's ear off for about 14 of the 15 hours we were stranded, I think he's a little relieved to be back at work where it's quiet. 

pilgrimage anyone?

Before we left for Kansas City, someone asked me if I considered this trip a personal pilgrimage. I thought about that a lot as we traveled because you see, we drove to Kansas City and 16 hours in the car (each way) provides time for personal reflection. Since a pilgrimage is typically a journey to a shrine or other location of importance to one's personal spiritual beliefs, then yes I would consider this trip a pilgrimage. We worshiped at many shrines along the way.

First we stopped in Lawrence, KS to see the famous court where the Kansas Jayhawks play basketball. We were extremely disappointed at first because when we walked up to the stadium all the doors had signs that said the fieldhouse was closed that day and no tours would be given but this was a pilgrimage people, we had to persevere! The doors may have had "closed" signs on them but they weren't locked so we felt that the universe was giving us a sign to press onward. 

This next photo is a tad awkward because at this exact moment one of the staff members appeared through a doorway & began walking quickly towards us and we may have been panicking a bit.

In our defense, we passed several employees who all looked at us very strangely but no one told us that we weren't supposed to be there, maybe that one guy who chased us would have said something but he unfortunately wasn't fast enough.

We continued on to Kansas City to worship next at the alter of meat: 

Meat is taken very seriously in Kansas City and for that I am grateful. I didn't like meat too much before I lived there and now I am a proud carnivore.

There were a bunch of places in the city that I wanted to check out but we were wasting a lot of time driving from place to place and trying to find somewhere to park for less than $20, so we busted out the longboards and cruised around to burn off some of the barbeque. 

The sidewalks are extremely wide and extremely empty (except by bars and bbq restaurants) so it was a great place to longboard. Apparently no one skates in Kansas City because I had the same conversation with people over and over concerning our chosen mode of transportation.

Stranger: Wow, I've never seen a skateboard like that, did you make it?

Me: (In my driest and most annoyed voice) No.

Stranger: It's really long, what do you call it?

Me: A longboard.

Stranger: Are you joking?

Me: No.

Stranger: Do you fall a lot or are you a professional?

Me: Are those my only choices?

Stranger: Are you from around here?

Me: No.

Stranger: Do a lot of people have long skateboards where you live?

Me: Yes.

Stranger: Is it faster than walking?

Me: Yes.

Stranger: So where are you from?

Me: Salt Lake City

Stranger: Is that in Utah? Do you know any of the Jazz players?

Me: Yes and No.

Stranger: Are you Mormon then?

Me: Yes, and Mormons back in Utah use longboards as weapons against people who ask too many questions.

And speaking of being Mormon, here is the real reason for our pilgrimage:

The Kansas City Temple Open House. Tim and I were able to meet up and tour the temple with one of my old mission companions as well as our friend that we taught while we served together in Independence. Eight years, three weddings, and four kids later it's still amazing to spend time with them.

Sunburned and chubby...two very good adjectives to describe my entire mission-self. Before we knew it our pilgrimage time was coming to a close and we got back on the road. This was the first time I had ever spent longer than 24 hours away from Tess and as you can see I didn't really miss her at all.

We may need to break up

I'm not sure that I'm going to keep up this blogging business. I mean I know that the world definitely benefits from the sharing of my wit and wisdom but I'm just really lazy. I'm too lazy to even make a decision about whether or not to quit blogging. There are just so many other easier forms of social networking. For example: Instagram

Why aren't more of you on Instagram? I'm telling you, it's pretty cool. If you don't believe me ask Mark Zuckerberg, he just bought it for one billion dollars...and no that's not an exaggeration he can really buy things with a billion dollar price tag. 

Instagram makes your pictures look pretty cool with very little effort. 

Many forms of Disney-worship exist

And since a picture is worth a thousand words I don't have to write much, which only enables my laziness.

Post St. Patrick's Day race in Moab

Taking this pic from a distance so no one knows this misbehaving child is mine

So if you're on Instagram, look me up under the name: MizLizard

If you're not on Instagram then download the app, it's free for Andriod and iphone, and then look me up.

If you don't have an Andriod or an iphone then you get a pass but first you have to tell me how you  function without it.

My preferred method for delivering Relief Society fliers

Just old

I am feeling really old lately. It's not just because the big 3-0 is coming down the pipe either, there are several factors in my life that I think enhance my general feeling of elderly-ness:

• A decade of running and cycling has wreaked havoc on my knees and ankles. I really should retire from running and join one of those water aerobics classes but I don't want to listen to Lady Gaga at 5:15 in the morning. I never really noticed how messed up my knees were until Tess & I started going to a Kindermusik class together, which involves a lot of stand-up, sit-down, and turn-around action. My knees & ankles crackle and pop much more than even the grandmothers who bring their grandkids to class. The adults try to pretend they can't hear but one little kid asks me on a weekly basis why my knees are so noisy. Dang you and your bluntness little J.J.!!

• It also doesn't help that at least once or twice a week some annoying person asks me some annoying question that implies I am old, which is not a new occurrence for me. "Is Tess going to be your last child? It looks like she and the others have worn you out!"  "Exactly how much time did you take off to have kids before going back to school, ten years or something?" "Are you a professor here?" "You long boarded here? Isn't that a young-man's sport?" "I didn't know old people listened to Noah and the Whale!" I could go on but I need to stop before I cry, or throw my long board at someone. 

• Being married to Tim doesn't help much, he has no idea how old he is and when I remind him he could not possibly care less that he's going to be 30 in a few short months. Tim stopped paying attention to age when they stopped charging him 10 extra dollars a day to rent a car so he has no empathy for my plight.
• The one activity in my life that never fails to make me feel ancient is school. I would say 29 is about the average age for people in the grad program so as long as I'm in class I'm just fine, it's the getting to class or doing anything outside of class that is the problem. I was on my way to the archives at the library the other day and I walked past a girl on her cell phone who said, "What's your problem? I'm totally planning on going to my 5-year high school reunion....in three years." Come on now, are you telling me that I am studying along side someone who was in high school two years ago? Two years ago I was having a baby and paying a mortgage.

Every time I head to the library after Tess is asleep for the night I think to myself, "If only you would have gotten this all done at 21 like normal people." I  wasted a lot of time in my twenties pursuing medicine when I knew that it wasn't what I wanted to do. Why did I do it then you ask? I still don't know, I guess I just really wanted to wear scrubs for the rest of my life. 

There are aspects of going to school while trying to raise a child that I do really like.

If I would have finished all my school before Tess, who would have reminded me to bring my big and little Arial to help me find my books? If it was just me, I know I would forget at least one of them.

And who would have been there to entertain all the childless undergraduates by playing her own version of bumper cars because she insists on pushing the stroller herself? 

And who would sing all the songs from The Little Mermaid in a loud raspy voice to all those undergraduates if Tess wasn't there? For Tess, if you make your voice sound raspy then it can technically  be counted as a "whisper."

If anyone needs help navigating the Marriott Library, Tess has become somewhat of an expert and she'll give you a tour anytime. Just don't plan on it being a quiet tour.

Don't worry, I think I'm officially done complaining about getting old. There are just so many other good things to complain about...like the possibility of Cougartown and Community getting cancelled.

successful product placement

I was really excited to discover that most of the primary sources I would be using for my research this semester were available online. So I can do my research from home rather than getting babysitters for Tess or going to the library after Tim gets home from class. The folks in the library are very chatty at midnight.

The problem is that most of these primary resources are found on public websites that are funded through advertisements and because I am a mom from Utah these advertisements are almost always for Disneyland. They show ecstatic, well-behaved children walking hand-in-hand with Mickey Mouse through Cinderella's castle unencumbered by crowds or heat. It looks amazing. Then they throw in the guilt factor by flashing phrases like: "they're only young once" or "it's the small moments that make the happiest memories." 

The other day I took a break from doing research and being bombarded by Disneyland ads to check my e-mail and found some upsetting news. We had earned a free ticket from Delta and two free nights at a Marriott hotel and BOTH vouchers were expiring at the end of February. We had to book a trip immediately and Disneyland was on my mind. They forced my hand people, I had to take Tess to Disneyland right away because she's only young once and it's the small moments that matter most or something like that. 

Before I had a child I was the first person to disparage the Disney machine but I have since changed my tune. It really is a place where dreams come true, which is a catchy motto that they should use. 

For example, have you noticed how my child is in love/obsessed with Jessie from Toy Story? Well she is. She was Jessie for Halloween.

 She was part-Jessie for our Christmas card photos.

She is Jessie on any given Wednesday for crying out loud.

So it was pretty cool to watch her meet the "real" Jessie.

She was so overwhelmed with joy that she literally melted into Jessie's lap, grabbed her around the waist, buried her head into Jessie's chest and hung on for dear life. Then she just stayed like that for a really long time. Nobody really knew what to do, including the Disney staff. I knew what to do. In true Disney-mom fashion,  I turned up the shutter-speed on my camera and snapped about a thousand pictures of the interaction. 

I'm sure you've all seen pictures of kiddos at Disneyland on other blogs, or maybe you get all those advertisements too, so I won't bore you with any additional photos or stories. I'll just say we had a really fun weekend and these two got to hang out for 48 hours straight, which is their favorite thing to do.

I was there too, even though it looks like Tim and Tess just do everything alone. I snapped this picture of myself on the carousel so that years down the road I'll have proof that I was a part of this family too.

Valentine's Day, family style.

How do you celebrate Valentine's Day? The correct answer is: very carefully.

Every member of the Jenson household picked one activity for Valentine's Day and we all had to participate in every activity willingly. We figured the best way to make everyone feel loved was to mandate family time.

Tessa was first-up to pick an activity. She chose "spa party" where we all painted our nails a vibrant pink.

Ok, so she had her nails painted a vibrant pink, I did the painting and Tim sat quietly and uncomfortably in the corner. After complaining quite loudly that her nails weren't quite "pink enough," the spa party moved down to Tessa's room where we watched her try on skirts for half an hour.

After the spa party concluded Tim & I decided to finally hire that private investigator to find out if in fact Tessa and another baby were switched at birth. Really, who's kid is this?

My choice was next. I picked where we would eat:

Romantic, no? To make it even better, instead of eating in the restaurant I made Tim go and pick it up because I refused to take my sweats off and get dressed to go out. Hey, it was my activity...I get to choose the attire as well.

Tim's turn. He selected what movie we would watch:

This just gets better and better. Tim chose to watch the special "Jake and the Neverland Pirates" where Peter Pan returns to Neverland. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I envy you.

 I think Tess may have used some of her most persuasive techniques to get Tim to pick this, no wonder she likes him best. I can't complain too much, Tess was so enamored with the show that she never noticed Tim & I took an hour-long nap next to her. 

These special activities took place on Monday night because Tim has class on Tuesday. I still wanted to do something fun with Tess on the actual Valentine's Day so on Tuesday night we took some of her Christmas money and headed to Toys R' Us.

Shockingly we came home with yet another Jessie doll. The toy store is pretty dead on Valentine's Day, which is probably a good thing. I feel that it would be a horrible venue for a date.

Hope your Valentine's was as eventful as ours.

A Noodle For Good Luck

2011 was the year that wouldn't end for the Jensons. We now lovingly refer to it as "remember that crappy year?" Don't get me wrong, we have fabulous lives and many things that make us happy; 2011 was just one of those "growing years" that we're relieved to put behind us. The three of us have high hopes for 2012. We have some amazing trips planned, Tim & I should both finish our Master's, we're signed up for and training quite well for some awesome races and Tess is pretty stoked she has recently become tall enough to reach the pedals on her tricycle...so pedaling will be a big part of 2012 for her.

2012 is looking pretty great, but we wanted to do a little more to help ensure that we don't have to have another 2011. So I read a bunch of articles online about New Year's foods & activities that are supposed to bring good luck. There are a lot out there and we did our best to try and do them all, even if we had to tweak a few of them.

First off, we celebrated the Chinese New Year instead of the traditional New Year. We figured that China has a pretty great economy and the rest of the world....doesn't. So we assumed their New Year's was luckier.
The following activity involved eating 12 grapes at the same time all in a row. Each grape is supposed to bring you luck for one month.

Tim and Tess manned this one.

The articles also said it would bring you good financial luck to eat cabbage. Cabbage sort of looks like money I guess. It was also mentioned that other circular foods were lucky, there were lots of beans and lentils on the list. Tim wasn't convinced that gagging down cabbage would equate to monetary luck, so we settled for peas. They are both round and green.

Next, pomegranate juice is the drink of choice for added luck.

Not sure if you've noticed but pomegranate juice is expensive, so I hope that pomegranate-flavored-crystal-light has the same lucky qualities.

The lucky main courses are pork and fish. So we made both just to be sure. No pictures of that, I'm positive you've all seen a pig and a fish before.

Long noodles are also very lucky I guess. The only catch is that you can't bite the noodle before the entire thing is in your mouth, that erases all the luck of course. 

This was fun the first few times, but I wouldn't recommend eating noodles this way if you're really hungry. It gets old fast.

Black-eyed peas were listed as lucky foods in every single article. This was the only food item that I consistently read about, no matter where I looked. We didn't have any black-eyed peas in the house and I wasn't going to the store at midnight to find any. So we listened to the Black Eyed Peas while we ate dinner. Hope that works.

Last but not least, at midnight you open all your doors and each person throws a bucket of water out into the night symbolizing the departure of any bad luck in the previous year. We all used sippy cups full of water because our glasses were all dirty, it was slightly before midnight because there were too many things to do at exactly midnight and most of the water actually made it all the way out of the doorway. 

Tess didn't quite understand what we were doing so she just chucked her whole cup out on the lawn, while most of the water spilled before it got past the door frame. However, I was not the one who had to go out in the snow in my bare feet to get the cup so I would say the year has been pretty lucky so far.